A couple weeks ago I decided to go see a counselor about the stress I had been feeling for the last couple months. I went and talked to her, and while she was very nice and had insightful things to say, I initially made another appointment to see her again, I cancelled it. I believe I know why I am stressed and the things that make me stressed I can handle. I thought I needed someone to talk to about my sisters death, but I have come to realize I do not. At least no someone I do not know.
I do not know who I can talk to, maybe there really isn't anyone I can talk to. Well, that isn't quiet right, I have people I can talk to. I can talk to my aunt, my other sister, my brother, my sister-in-law, my mom, there are quiet a few people actually. I just have to reach out to them.
The last post I talked about my best friend and how I was feeling a little at odds with her. I think that was just my doing and not her doing. I think with losing someone close to me, and her not knowing how to be with me, it is a difficult situation to be in. I do not want to lose my best friend over this, so I will talk to her about the things I can and leave it at that.
I have kind of stopped using Facebook and Instagram as much, well that is an understatement, I have stopped using them at all. I was becoming sad from the things I was seeing on there, seeing people I thought were friends hanging out without me. Its sucks even as an adult to be left out. Its not one of those feelings I think you ever get used to. I know I should realize people don't do it on purpose and maybe they don't want me around because I am not as cheerful as I am "supposed" to be, but it still hurts.
I feel like people don't want me around right now because I am depressing. I'm sorry I'm not the happiest person on the planet, its kind of hard to the happy go lucky person I usually am. Hopefully someday I will get back to that person.
Will I ever be myself again?
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